Title: The tub of lard SPEAKS!
Disclaimer: If you're a plus-size woman, I still love you. Don't get
all pissy.
It's Official...
... I am a big ol' fat-ass. Yes, I am. Let me tell you how I know.
Ian and I went to Target today to get some shorts for the summer, since I have none, and it's getting hotter by the nanosecond here. He picked up three nice pairs at the Izod outlet in Loveland, but I figured I'd wait til we got to the Big Red Dot, since Target is the store where God shops, you know. So I nabbed three pairs of shorts and headed for the dressing room.
Understand, I am a size 16 on a good day; usually I take an 18. I grumble about it, but I'm stuck in that zone where I bitch and moan, but don't do anything about it. Go me. I figured an 18 would be fine and I could get the shorts and go home.
They were all too small.
You know what this means? It means I'm a size 20. Do you understand the enormity (no pun intended) of this situation? This is the ceiling I told myself I would never reach. I've gained about forty pounds since high school. It was okay because I was still reasonably thin (well, mostly). As long as I stayed under a 20, I was still not fat. 20 is in the Plus Size section. It's where the clothes stop being fashionable and start getting mom-ish and trailer-ish. It is the LIMIT of my tolerance. My clothes are already too tight and don't hang well, and this is the LAST BLOODY STRAW. I am TIRED of my stomach sticking out further than my breasts. That shit is not right. And I must remedy it.
I start the gym TOMORROW.
Come to the Dark Side
Cynthia has been converted to Veggie Tales. Yes, it's true. The next door neighbor, Meredith, has several CDs and videos. (Having an 18 month old toddler will contribute greatly to your collection of Blue's Clues and Veggie Tales.) Meredith and Cynthia's friend Becky apparently has quite the elite collection of CDs as well, so Cynthia now has two CDs on obsessive repeat in her CD player. (In exchange, Becky is holding her Bukowski poetry book for ransom. A fair trade, methinks.)
I really must go to bed now. God knows I need the rest.
-- marcie.