Title: Moving day
Random link o' the day:
National Fire News
Reading: Pix Firewall Configuration
Hearing: Various Artists, Lesbian Favorites: Women Like Us. I know,
I know, I'm a big ol' dyke.
Drinking: Coca Cola Classic
Feeling: Got the afternoon sleepies.
Our mountains are burning.
The local radio stations are doing marathons to donate money to the Red Cross to help out the families who have been driven from their homes because of the fire. Denver hasn't been affected by the fire, but it's still damned scary. From where Ian works in Broomfield, you can look to the north and see the layers of smoke rising out of the fire. If you want to help, give money to the Red Cross. They've already got all the food and water they need, but there are people who've had to evacuate their houses on ten minutes notice and don't have little things like clothes.
Other Than That:
I realized yesterday that I hadn't seen my Web site in four days, and here's why: MoniFest2K. I'm the tubby geek leering at women. So sorry...
Not too much tonight either, other than I'm about to leave for Goose's place. Last night was my last at the geek commune. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, probably because I was dreading it SO much that it could only get better. I'm not making any guarantees for tonight, though. There are boxes of books and tapes loaded in the back seat of my car; all I have to do now is grab the cat and go.
I don't want to. I'm scared.
Yes, this is probably a silly fear. I'm twenty-seven years old and perfectly capable of taking care of myself. (Except for not being able to cook, but I'm working on that part.) It's just... well, it scares me to give up the only home I've known for the last three years. This is something that has to be done, but as we all know, that doesn't make it easier. The only thing that makes this worthwhile -- or, in fact, possible -- is the knowledge that Ian will be much happier dating straight women, which will give him a chance to be with someone who can return his affections like he needs. And I think I'll end up happier in the long run, too.
Funny thing... women aren't supposed to think about their own needs. We're expected to put our children, husbands, parents and friends before anything to do with us. This includes our own happiness. It doesn't matter if a mother is miserable staying at home with the kids and not working, because her presence is absolutely required twenty-four hours a day at home. It doesn't matter if a woman is dying in a sham of a marriage, as long as she stays in that marriage and tries to make her husband happy. At what point do you start thinking of your own needs? Isn't it okay for us to try to be happy? I don't mean being selfish and thinking of nobody but yourself; I mean fulfilling your responsibilities without sublimating everything that makes you a unique, wonderful person.
I guess I've seen one too many housewives cave under to the pressures and sublimate everything that makes her who she is to the desires of her husband and children, only to find out after twenty years of marriage that she doesn't know who she is, what she likes, or what makes her happy. I didn't want that to be me. So I had to act, not only for my husband's sake, but yes, for mine as well. I have been called selfish for this. I honestly don't think I'm being selfish. None of this has been easy for anyone. If Ian and I both weren't convinced this was for the best, we wouldn't be going through with it.
It's still hard. I'm still scared.
-- marcie.